'57 Chevy schemes (various teams)

Every so often, some overpaid marketing genius comes up with an idea so bad that instead ending up in some graphic artist's recycle bin, it infects multiple teams. Although celebrating the 50th anniversary of the classic 1957 Chevrolet was a good idea, trying to make modern stock cars resemble slab-sided, be-finned rolling iron wasn't the way to do it. The promotion ran in August of 2007 at Michigan International Speedway and a total of 11 cars were defaced with this laughable paint scheme.

Jeff Gordon's Megatron scheme

This was one of the two paint schemes that ran the fall Charlotte race in 2009 to promote the DVD release of "Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen." The other was Ryan Newman, but his Optimus Prime scheme didn't look too bad.  Jeff's Megatron scheme however, was simply horrific. First time I saw it, I thought he was running a Realtree scheme.

Prilosec OTC

Sometimes paint schemes start out pretty good with a solid theme and a good choice of colors, but end up being entirely too busy to look at for very long.  This one should carry a warning for epileptics.

Juan Pablo Montoya's Technicolor Dream COT

Our word for the day, boys and girls, is putrid. Can you say putrid?  I knew you could!

Speaking of putrid...

I have seen this car up close (because it came by me on a flatbed almost immediately after the start of the fall 2009 Talladega race) and I fully believe that if some unlucky (and not incredibly bright) person were too stare too long at it, his retina would burst into flames. This color is so loud that it hurts the mind as well as the eyes.

Steak-umm Burgers

Umm...  WTF?

UPS / Boys and Girls Clubs of America

Ever since UPS started sponsoring teams in 2001, I've had a problem with their color choice. I know that's what color their thousands of delivery trucks are, but that iron-rich poopie color just doesn't belong on a race car. The addition of light blue and lime green trim on this 2009 special scheme just proves the old adage: "You can't polish a turd."

Breast cancer awareness cars

While I'm all for increasing breast cancer awareness, I think pink race cars take it just a little bit too far. As I said regarding the PowerPuff Girls "violently pink" car, race cars should never be painted this color. Ever. Furthermore, these lame paint schemes are a deliberate attempt to pander to the female NASCAR fans. If I was a female race fan, I'd be insulted as hell that some marketing guru came up with this idea thinking that female fans would think they were "pretty."

Dale Earnhardt Peter Max scheme 2000

I still can't believe old Ironhead allowed one of his race cars to be painted in such a manner as this.

No. 43 Pillsbury car

This one looks like a paint-by-numbers ... and someone didn't follow the instructions.