50 THINGS MORE EXCITING THAN SUNDAY’S RACE AT TALLADEGA


1. The text of the House health care bill
2. Women’s golf
3. Listening to a 4-year-old talk
4. Listening to Tom Cruise talk
5. All-staff meetings at work
6. My married friends’ Facebook updates
7. Larry King
8. A TV interview with Derek Jeter
9. The new Jay Leno show
10. The Economist magazine
11. The Cleveland Browns’ offense

12. Flight attendant safety-procedure announcements
13. Mark Martin’s haircut
14. Department store music
15. Candle enthusiasts
16. People who love farmers’ markets (Los Angeles only)
17. Newspapers
18. Listening to people talk about a dream they had last night
19. Talking to women after sex
20. Olympic curling
21. Joe Biden

22. Watching this squirrel eat corn
23. Shopping for work pants
24. People who hate Twitter
25. Reading Netflix pop-up ads
26. Reader’s Digest’s "Life In These United States"
27. People who talk about how creative they are


28. Ryan Newman’s haircut
29. Spring training split-squad baseball games
30. Waiting for the microwave to finish heating up leftover chicken
31. DMV lines
32. Celebrities talking about their favorite charity
33. C-SPAN on mute
34. Other people’s blogs
35. Greeting card stores
36. The secret life of Mike Helton’s mustache
37. Old calendars
38. Oprah and Gayle
39. The day after Christmas


40. The cute girl’s fat friend
41. Creed concert (sober)
42. That cable access show where the guy has all the model trains
43. Lists on the Internet
44. Bowl of post-Halloween Tootsie Rolls
45. Matt Kenseth’s haircut
46. Hillary Clinton’s pantsuits
47. Water as a dipping sauce
48. David Letterman’s sex life now
49. That bow-tie guy on the Sunday morning political shows


50. Jimmie Johnson

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