When my editor pitched me the idea of writing about which actors should play which NASCAR drivers, I knew it was going to be a lot of fun. I have always wondered who would play me in the movie of my life – assuming I ever do anything interesting enough to warrant Hollywood’s attention. Since I am no good at remembering celebrities, I enlisted the help of my wife, Jenn, who is really good at remembering the names of actors no one but she and six other people know about.
Vince Vaughn as Tony Stewart
Jenn tells me that Vince Vaughn is a good-looking guy, and although he was the first actor to pop into her head when I mentioned I was writing this article, she disagrees with the idea that he should play Tony Stewart. I think he’s a good choice to portray Smoke because, just like Tony, he looks like he could be a race car driver or the guy who works on your air conditioner. Like Stewart, Vaughn has that "lovable slob" side to his personality.
Did I mention that Vaughn has an evil twin
, just like Stewart?
Goatee = Evil
No, no, no, not 1985 Anthony Michael Hall. Good heavens, do you think I want the entire Junior Nation pissed at me? I live in the same state as 60 percent of them and I am sure they could find me. (That said, I am guessing Junior probably has awoken next to a beautiful blonde once or twice.) Anyway, I’m thinking of the grown-up version of Hall.
I realize that Hall is six years older than Junior, but so what? Hall looked 11 when he was in his teens, so I bet that if he wiped away that oh-so-serious frowny face, he would easily look young enough to portray Junior.
Antonio Banderas as Juan Pablo Montoya
I chose Banderas to play Montoya for two very good reasons. One, I’ve given Montoya a lot of crap
and I wanted to make nice. Two, I could not think of another Hispanic actor besides Cheech Marin. (On a side note, I would like to say a little something to Montoya. Dude, you were robbed. You were the rightful winner of the Allstate 400
All of the other actors I would have chosen to play Martin are dead. We love you, Mark. All of us 40-plus guys are pulling for you this year!
I know the guy who played the T-1000 in Terminator 2
looks nothing like Jimmie Johnson. However, given my belief that Johnson is not human
, the man who brought us the T-1000 is the obvious choice.
LaBeouf looks as much like Busch as a ham sandwich looks like a fire hydrant, but Hollywood is all about glamorizing real life. All LaBeouf would need is some disdainful sneering lessons and practice stomping out of race tracks like a surly 4-year-old who was denied his third Pudding Pop.
Patrick is not a NASCAR driver, but I can dream can’t I? Transformers star Fox would be a perfect fit for a part in the film about Patrick’s life – a film that seems all but destined to become a reality someday.
IRL driver Milka Duno makes my knees feel all watery, as does Salma Hayeck.
Jeff Gordon as Jeff Gordon
Who else could I choose? Take a look at Gordon’s Tiger Beat-style picture on the left. Who poses like that? Jeff Gordon the Hollywood dreamboat – that’s who.
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