AUTISM SPEAKS 400 ODDS

I have finally figured out a way to make NASCAR more competitive.

When I pick Jimmie Johnson to win, he loses. When I pick Jimmie Johnson to lose, he wins.

Sure I can credit the tight points race to one really major JJ funk since the new rear spoiler, three Denny Hamlin wins or a gaggle of green and white finishes. But I’m a narcissist who believes in ramdon karma. So you’re welcome for the open points race with multiple contenders.

I’m pumped for Dover. Two picks. Two wins in a row. I’m only down a fake $250, and we’re heading to one of my favorite tracks. Like Bristol, Richmond and Darlington, Dover is a place that allowed a race to morph into a lifestyle for many fans. Plus I get free wings if I win three races in a row thanks to a friendly wager with my wife. Gobble gobble.

So here are my picks for Sunday:

$20 on Jeff Gordon at 6/1: When I went off the Kevin Harvick bandwagon, he won at Talladega. I can’t think of a better team in 2010 than the No. 24. I can’t think of an angrier driver in 2010 than the No. 24. I can only think of one active driver with four wins at Dover other than the No. 24, and I’m not picking Mark Martin. I won’t say “Yes, we can.” I will say, “Maybe…I mean I could make worse picks.”

$10 on Jeff Burton at 15/1: This might be one of those worse picks. Burton has let me down more than any other driver in 2010. But if the Chase started today, Burton would find himself in the dance. Burton has raced more than 50 times since his last win in 2008. Last week was Burton’s best chance for a victory, until an air hose  hosed his Southern 500. Coupled with Burton’s solid success at Dover over the last five years and I say it’s a good wager. I also liked "Gigli."

$10 on Greg Biffle at 20/1: Did you know Biffle has the best average finish among active drivers at Dover over the last five years? He’s got as many wins (two) as he does finishes worse than tenth. I agree Ford seems less organized than a teenager’s room, but a driver who loves the track, excels at the track and is  seventh in the points seems like a great value. So too is a good burrito, and that’s still giving me problems. Don’t let me down Bifster.

$5 on Tony Stewart at 20/1: Dude loses his sponsor. Dude loses the Kevin Harvick sweepstakes.  Dude loses every race while his co-worker Ryan Newman wins. Captain Whopper needs some dap. I provide dap.

$5 on Ryan Newman at 30/1: Newman has three poles at a track where pit position matters. I have $5 to blow on a driver. I’m against Big 10 expansion. Newman went to Purdue. This is probably a waste of money, but The Spread isn’t offering 100/1 odds on some random guy.

Speaking of which, here’s my rocking segue bonanza. Enjoy Sunday, and insert random catchphrase here.

Jimmie Johnson 4/1
Jeff Gordon 6/1
Kyle Busch 7/1
Denny Hamlin 7/1
Kurt Busch 11/1
Matt Kenseth 15/1
Kevin Harvick 15/1
Jeff Burton 15/1
Mark Martin 15/1
Kasey Kahne 20/1
Greg Biffle 20/1
Juan Pablo Montoya 20/1
Tony Stewart 20/1
Clint Bowyer 25/1
Carl Edwards 25/1
Joey Logano 25/1
Dale Earnhardt Jr 30/1
Ryan Newman 30/1
Brian Vickers 30/1
Martin Truex Jr 30/1
Jamie McMurray 30/1
Field 15/1