BAD NASCAR TATTOOS

According to my Uncle Dennis, who acquired his tattoos while on shore leave during the Vietnam War, nobody ever got a tattoo while sober. I believe Uncle Dennis’s words still ring true today – especially when it comes to the fans who got the NASCAR tattoos pictured below.


NASCAR Tattoo Disaster #1: Primary Colors
Anyone who knows anything about NASCAR knows most drivers go ride-hopping every five or six years – some more frequently depending on how much they suck.  With the exceptions of Richard Petty, Jeff Gordon and Dale Earnhardt Sr., the list of drivers who flew the same colors for more than 10 years is very short.  Therefore, it would seem wise to exercise a little caution when selecting a design to have etched permanently onto your head.

Glad I was not the one who had to tell this guy Dale Earnhardt Jr. switched teams, cars and colors.  Oh well, at least he can grow hair over it. Probably.

With a car number, the fix is easier and less painful. 

However, a car number by itself presents another problem:

A Kyle Busch fan might mistake this for a Dale Earnhardt Jr. tattoo and start something with this obviously half-human Dale Jarrett fan.

NASCAR Tattoo Disaster #2: Mutant Drivers

I don’t know if it’s the area of the body or poor artistic execution that makes this otherwise skillful portrait of Dale Earnhardt Sr. look like an eggheaded alien.  It’s The Intimidator, not The Eggsterminator.  

Take away the hat, shades, uniform and logo and this Earnhardt tattoo looks more like Freddie Mercury.

The one above is a pretty good rendering of Tony Stewart – if Stewart had a goiter, a runaway thyroid and a case of the mumps.

Although I have never studied Kyle Petty’s teeth, I am pretty sure they don’t sweep to the left.

NASCAR Tattoo Disaster #3 Jeff Gordon Backwards Muffin Top Tattoo


Eww.  No further comment.

NASCAR Tattoo Disaster #4: The All-Purpose Dale Jr. Tattoo

For the Dale Earnhardt Jr. fan who wants versatility in his body art, here is a tattoo that says "I urinate off the porch in broad daylight."  This tattoo also goes well with Hank Williams Jr. and John Deere t-shirts

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