Dear Tony Stewart,
I want you to know this will be harder on me than it is for you.
First of all, I want to congratulate you on your big win last week in California. Yes, it cost me 50 fake dollars. But I’m OK, still up 20 fake bucks for the year.
I’ll use that money to buy some Mobil 1. What a great job getting those guys into NASCAR as a sponsor, especially in this economy. Wait, Mobil 1 is already in NASCAR? Sam Hornish Jr.? He’s still racing?
Anyway, I hope your newfound success will help soften what I’m about to say. Tony, I think it’s time to break up.
It’s not you. Or any of your Burger King buddies. It’s me. You see, I’ve made fake wagers every race this year. What driver have I picked the most? I’ll give you a hint. He had a pet monkey.
Early in the year, times were tough. You lost your mojo and that moderately crazed smile polarizing to so many fans. I was down 350 fake dollars. Still, we stuck together.
It made me so happy to see you win your first race of the year at Atlanta, especially when I had you at 12/1. Your win helped propel me into positive territory that doesn’t actually exist and is solely for the sake of entertainment.
But things changed during the Chase. As usual, I had fake money riding on you at New Hampshire. Maybe that hurt your fuel economy. Your Chase chances seemed lost. So too was my support, just for one lousy race.
While I’m happy to see you win at Auto Club, I’m not sure who you are anymore. A driver has never come back from as far down as you were to win the Chase. My brain says you shouldn’t be a contender. My eyes say you should.
In situations like this, it all boils down to the heart. And the heart of this writer just doesn’t think you, your team and your program has what it takes to win this year. I’m sorry. I really am. But I have to let you go.
35 fake dollars on Jimmie Johnson at 3/1
If you read an awesome race preview on this website, you would know Captain Lowe’s owns the track that used to be Lowe’s Motor Speedway. Johnson had an amazing car at the All Star race, along with the Coke 600. Add a moderately better number, I’m in.
15 fake dollars on Kurt Busch at 9/1
The only person who had a better car at Charlotte this year is Busch, who happened to win both races. If he has any chance to coming back, this is the week to do.
Here’s what The Spread thinks, and insert random…No, it can’t be…I’m not about to do this….I am about to do this.
Tony Stewart, I wish I could quit you….but I can’t. I won’t.
- Stewart should have won two of the first of the first four Chase races. That’s three of the last six races had he had an extra gallon of fuel.
- Stewart has a history of closing well and solid pedigree at Charlotte.
- More than anything else, the dude has heart. A comeback like this is improbable. But if Stewart goes down in flames, I’m burning with you.
Kurt Busch, it’s not you. It’s me.
15 fake dollars and one man’s loyalty on Tony Stewart at 12/1
Hope I didn’t jinx you.
Here’s what The Spread thinks, and insert random catchphrase here.
Jimmie Johnson 3/1
Kyle Busch 7/1
Carl Edwards 9/1
Kurt Busch 9/1
Greg Biffle 9/1
Jeff Gordon 12/1
Tony Stewart 12/1
Denny Hamlin 12/1
Kasey Kahne 15/1
Kevin Harvick 15/1
Matt Kenseth 20/1
Clint Bowyer 20/1
Jeff Burton 20/1
Juan Pablo Montoya 30/1
David Reutimann 30/1
Jamie McMurray 30/1
Joey Logano 35/1
Mark Martin 35/1
Ryan Newman 40/1
Dale Earnhardt Jr 60/1
Martin Truex Jr 60/1
AJ Allmendinger 75/1
David Ragan 100/1
Marcos Ambrose 100/1
Sam Hornish Jr 100/1
Elliott Sadler 100/1
Brad Keselowski 100/1
Paul Menard 100/1
Scott Speed 100/1
Bobby Labonte 100/1
Travis Kvapil 100/1
Reed Sorenson 100/1
Regan Smith 100/1
Field (Any Other Driver) 100/1