BEST COMIC BOOK SUPERHERO RACE CAR DRIVERS

For years scholars and mechanics have debated the age-old question, "If comic book superheroes were NASCAR drivers, who would be the best?"  We stacked up the best superheroes and conducted an exhaustive series of scientific tests to determine this ranking. Enjoy.

Honorable Mention

Hulk – Two words: "Hulk Smash." Plus he would never fit into the car.  Same goes for Thing, Beast and Hawkman.  Although I would want all of those guys in my pit crew.

Ant-Man – Ability to communicate telepathically with insects is not much help on track (unless it’s cicada season.)

Green Lantern – Pretty sure track officials would prevent the Green Lantern from projecting a super-car capable of supersonic speeds.

Wolverine – He would enter the top 5 if Professor Xavier agreed to be his crew chief.  Without Prof. X, Wolverine’s temper would get the best of him.  He’d be disqualified for impaling a rival driver with his adamantium claws.

5. Superman
An American icon, but totally ill-equipped to be a great NASCAR driver.  His super strength would overpower the handling of the car (think Shaq attempting free throws).  Additionally, Superman would always be stopping to rescue other drivers from wrecks. He’d DNF half the races because he’d fly off to rescue kids trapped in a well or take off to foil Lex Luthor’s plan to blow up the Hoover Dam.


(photo from Jayski.com)

4. Rorschach
A cunning tactician, he’s not afraid to play dirty, he’s tenacious and he would excel at night races. Rorschach would be an excellent driver.  His downfall would be having to attend morning driver meetings.  Something tells me he would not do well in a structured environment where you had to wear short-sleeve shirts and be on time for meetings.

3. Batman
Obviously skilled at driving fast cars, Batman has the technique and resources to excel on the track.  As a billionaire in charge of Wayne Enterprises, Batman’s racing team would look like Hendrick Motorsports on steroids.  In the end, Batman would eventually be brought down by a cheating scandal (if NASCAR can catch Chad Knaus and Jimmie Johnson for Daytona window shenanigans, it will catch Batman’s rocket-propelled stock car.)


2. Captain America

Superior to regular drivers in speed, strength, endurance and agility, Captain America would make a tough driver to beat.  He’s superhuman in every way.  Very likely to have a long and storied career as a driver.  Captain America’s one weakness: If Jeremy Mayfield was suspended for taking cold medicine, I’m not sure how the governing body would feel about Captain America’s regimen of "Super Soldier Serum" and "Vita-ray exposure."

1. Wonder Woman
Move over Danica Patrick, it’s Wonder Woman.  Her preferred mode of transportation is invisible jet.  She’s a master of piloting planes, dune buggies and motorcycles.  She can communicate with the animal kingdom (which means she should be able to speak with Jimmie Spencer).  When the Justice League rolls out, she drives the jet.  If Superman, Batman and company trust her with the keys for interstellar space battles with Kanjar Ro, then a few laps around Bristol should be a breeze.  It’s also a bonus that she wears tiny skirts and would drive an invisible car.

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