The Black Helicopters Are Circling NASCAR Again

black helicopter

I’m beginning to think Alex Jones must be a NASCAR fan. The father of some of the wildest conspiracy theories you’ve ever heard on the radio surely must be behind the story behind Dale Earnhardt Jr.’s victory Sunday in the Geico 500. “Jimmie Johnson let Junior win it, because they’re teammates, he needed a win to get in the chase, and besides Johnson owes Junior for Johnson’s win at Talladega in 2011.” The black helicopters are out once again and there’s a run on tin foil in the NASCAR nation.

Stop it. Just stop it. “It’s ludicrisp” Mike Tyson might say.

In some alternate reality, the idea of the six-time champion sandbagging might sound plausible. It’s the same reality just participating means as much as winning. In the real world, winning pays better, the winner is given a greater glory, and a victory handed to you rings hollow.

Think about this for a moment, you Johnson haters. If you buy the idea that Jimmie Johnson and Chad Knaus are cheaters supreme in their quest for wins, champions and records, do you think they would give it up- just this once- for their teammate? No matter what you think of the 48 teams methods, no one, and I mean NO ONE EVER LAYS DOWN to even allow their kid to win. The code of the competitor is you EARN your wins, and you NEVER allow a fellow competitor, not even a friend, to win unless they just flat out beat you.

Team orders? Why for? Rick Hendrick wins either way. Hendrick drivers adore their boss with a reverence only surpassed by God Himself. Would you compete for a boss who would ask you to sand bag it? If that’s the kind of organization that HMS runs, surely a former driver or even scorned former employee would call fertilizer on Sunday’s victory. Casey Mears, Kyle Busch, Mark Martin, Brian Vickers- I can’t think of a one who has even hinted at it.

Here’s a really crazy theory- maybe, just maybe Johnson found the idea of finishing second more palatable than finish 20th. He peeked to the inside, and no one behind him indicated any inkling to go with him. He was’t going to pass Earnhardt on his own because he couldn’t. you say Johnson was blocking for Junior? Blocking who?

Here’s the bottom line: Dale Earnhardt Jr. won it flat out. It really is that simple. He had the car, he avoided those boneheaded mistakes on pit road that have cost him before, and whether you like him or not, the man knows his stuff on the restrictor plate tracks. That’s all you really need to know.

Park the black helicopters. The thing about conspiracies, if they are true, the light brings them out (think Deflate-gate). If they’re just a wild-haired explanation for an outcome one cannot accept, they’re just crazy ideas (like the Seahawks being ordered to pass in the Super Bowl to keep Marshawn Lynch from getting the MVP).