CHRISTMAS GIFTS FOR NASCAR DRIVERS

By Michelle Dawn

What could a NASCAR driver possibly need for Christmas? They all have money, women and fame. So what’s left that could make their holiday season more merry and bright? Quite a lot, actually. Money can buy most things, but it can’t make you a four-time champion, a favorite with fans or a media darling. So, with that premise in mind, I’ve come up with my own Christmas list for a few of the circuit’s drivers. Believe it or not, even these guys don’t have it all.



For Kyle Busch, a crash course in proper driver etiquette. Syllabus includes “How to handle the media like a pro” and “There’s no ‘I’ in teamwork.” I’m thinking this could be just what Rowdy needs to transform himself from petulant driver into polished team owner. But just in case he flunks out, I’m also throwing in a pair of Heelys so he can skate away from the press with ease.

For Denny Hamlin and Brad Keselowski, I’m springing for the services of a professional mediator. And then when negotiations break down, a good referee. Just throw these two in the ring and let them punch it out. Boxing gloves optional.

For Dale Earnhardt Jr., a rabbit’s foot, a four-leaf clover, and a lucky penny blessed by the Pope. Maybe with all these weapons in his arsenal, Junior can turn things around in 2010.

For Carl Edwards, more opportunities to pose shirtless for national magazines. Oh wait, that’s a gift for me.

For Michael Waltrip, although he’s only driving part time next year, Ol’ Mikey needs many things. One is an automatic Twitter censor that keeps his more off-the-wall tweets from posting for all of the world to see. Second, is that the ghost of victories past will visit Waltrip and give him one last win – or at least keep him out of the fence for two races in a row.

For John Wes Townley, prescription eyewear or perhaps a new spotter. You can set your watch by JWT’s wrecks. This guy would hit a redwood tree in the middle of a wheat field.

For Kurt Busch, a real rival. Busch tried his darndest to make an enemy out of Jimmie Johnson this season, but coolheaded JJ just wouldn’t bite. Maybe in 2010, Kurt’s dreams for a rootin’ tootin’ feud will be realized. Perhaps he should pick on a more temperamental personality type – say Juan Pablo Montoya or Tony Stewart?

For Kevin Harvick, spell check. Love you, Kevin, but if you’re going to tweet all the time, at least try to spell one post a day correctly.

For Mark Martin, a championship. ‘Nuff said.

(Guest writer Michelle Dawn edits the blog NASCAR-ista. Check it out at http://www.nascarista.blogspot.com.)