Whether you’re hitting the clubs this weekend or romancing your lady with a dinner date, personal grooming is key. Do you think NASCAR drivers date gorgeous ladies because of their skill on the track? Their secret is the grooming.
Do you get more comparisons to Sasquatch than Stewart? For the first time ever, NASCAR’s best drivers share their secrets to landing the girl of your dreams with the proper technique for shaving, hair cuts and more.*
Tip #1 Trimming the Engine Block – Greg Biffle
Take it from the Biff, ladies care about what the engine looks like when they take a peak under the hood. With a classy trim, you can turn a top ten finish into a top five. The Biff knows you don’t want your crankshaft looking like it just turned 9000 RPMs at Talladega. You want your spark plug to ignite an air/fuel mixture of love so that combustion can take place. Listen to the Biff and make sure your iron disk flywheel is mounted to the heavy tork converter in such a fashion that every half revolution of said disk is congruent with the power you want to produce (in other words, trim the short and curlys).
Tip #2 The Key is an Over Abundance of Confidence – Jeff Gordon
I don’t worry about grooming and never have. Looking good is not about grooming, it’s about an over abundance (and some would say misplaced) sense of confidence. Take me for example, it’s been 52 races since my last win, but that doesn’t stop me from strutting around the garage like the grand marshall of the "Jeff Gordon is the Prettiest Man Alive" Parade (an actual parade held every year in Tarzana, California).
Tip #3 It’s in the Beard – Dale Jr.
Grow a beard. Period. Not a Dennis-Hopper-crazy-man-livin-in-the-woods-until-I-get-a-job-coaching-high-school-basketball beard, just a simple stubble beard.
When everything else in your life is going wrong (you finish 23rd again, people are criticizing your crew chief, all your teammates are way faster, etc) you can always stroke your beard’s stubbly goodness and know you are a handsome man.
Tip #4 When All Else Fails Don’t Groom – Joey Logano
Most guys are into grooming so they can look better than other dudes and meet girls, I don’t understand it. Grooming is like racing Ryan Newman, it’s just too hard. I’m just sitting in a race car minding my own business and this crazy guy is racing me hard like we’re competing for points in some kind of contest. It’s the same for grooming, putting the effort in to do the job right is just too hard. I don’t understand why anyone does it. Even Tony Stewart agrees with me, look at his stubble.
* note: all of the drivers mentioned were too busy dating beautiful women or enjoying candle-lit evenings with their model/wife to participate in this story so this is the best guest as to what their advice would be.