HOW TO COPE WITH A NASCAR BREAKUP

Dear Atlanta Motor Speedway, 

Getting dumped is always painful, especially if you’re a prominent southern motor speedway and a major motor sports governing body just broke up with you to spend more time at other tracks. Don’t wallow in self pity. So what if NASCAR doesn’t want to race on your track and took away a Cup race in the spring?

You’ve spent the last 50 years hosting two NASCAR events a year and France is willing to throw it all away for some sluty track in Kentucky. Oh how quickly those motorsports governing bodies forget. Back in 1978 when you and Brian France first met he was just a nervous, 16-year-old thrust into your officiating room to determine the winner of a confusing Dixie 500. It was love at first sight and you thought it would last forever. 

Don’t cry Atlanta Motor Speedway, here are a few simple rules to ease the pain of your breakup.

Rule #1: No Drunk Dialing

Don’t get all liquored up on moonshine, pull out old photos of you and NASCAR together and then call in the middle of the night. You’re not going to convince NASCAR to come back. Trust me, if you and NASCAR did hookup for some off-weekend testing it would just be awkward.

Rule #2: Stay Strong, No Hook Ups on Labor Day
In just four weeks NASCAR will be coming to over for Labor Day weekend. Make sure that NASCAR sleeps in it’s own bed and no matter how many times NASCAR apologies, don’t let that creep into your garage after hours. Those doors are closed. Even if they just want to put the tip of their stock car in… just to see if their cars still fit – you need to stay strong and just say no.

Rule #3: Don’t Put up a SAFER Barrier to Your Emotions
You can’t lock the pain away, it’s ok to cry. If you tear up thinking of the way they would load into your service tunnel, just cry it out. No amount of steel and foam can lessen the impact of a broken heart. After the crying, the healing will begin.

Rule #4: Don’t Compare Yourself to Other Tracks
It won’t do any good to think of the ‘what ifs’: What if you had three turns like Pocono? Or what if you put out like that slutty track in Kentucky? Don’t haunt yourself with questions of what NASCAR sees in those other tracks. Just remember Atlanta Motor Speedway, you and NASCAR were never exclusive. As much fun as you two had, there were always other tracks. You have to accept the breakup and move on.   

Rule #5: Write Your Feelings Down
This is the perfect time to start a journal. If there isn’t any paper around, just write messages on the speedway walls. It will help you focus your thoughts. When Rockingham and NASCAR broke up, The Rock went on a bender for three years. Calling other tracks in the middle of the night, smelling of whiskey and crying like a baby. Everyone pitied The Rock. 

You need to hold your head high, you’re the Atlanta Motor Speedway. They filmed Stroker Ace and parts of Smokey and the Bandit 2 on you.