Graduates, their family and friends packed the gymnasium on the campus of NASCAR University to hear Tugg Nunn, veteran NASCAR spotter, deliver this year’s commencement address. Nunn’s inspiring speech rivaled the NASCAR awards speech Jimmie Johnson should have given at the 2009 banquet and Brad Keselowski’s dramatic interpretation of famous speeches.

Nunn peppered his address with tales from his storied career and points to ponder for the graduates who will soon enter the world of stock car racing. Here are the highlights from his speech:

“Don’t ask how a driver pees unless you want to hear the answer…”

Which is to say, before you ask someone else a question, try to figure out the answer on your own first. You’d be surprised how many times you can save everyone’s time by answering your own questions. The alternative is having someone describe a grown man sitting in his own urine for several hours.

"Sometimes you gotta turn right…"

Sometimes when everyone turns left, you have to turn right. Many folks take this advice literally. Let’s say you’re on the last lap of the Indy 500, turning right would be a really silly thing to do there. What I’m trying to say is that if you follow the leader of a race (pitting when the leader pits, following the same race strategy, etc) you’ll end up behind the leader all night. Don’t actually turn left in a race, that would be stupid.

Why Paul Menard is the Smartest Man Alive

Every successful driver has achieved success because they learned from their failures. Using this criteria, Paul Menard is poised to become the most successful driver in NASCAR history. His colossal failure thus far has put him on the cusp of ten consecutive Sprint Cup Championships.

Never quote Days of Thunder in the Garage

It’s a rookie mistake. In the heat of a race it’s tempting to drop a ‘he’s going to slingshot past you!’ or ‘rubbin is racing,’ but it’s important to suppress that urge. Rather than going for the obvious, try dropping a line from a lesser-known work like Dirty Dancing. After a successful pit stop, high five a teammate and shout ‘Nobody puts baby in a corner!’ Your peers will soon respect you for it.

Turn a Fifth Place Finish Into Eighth
If it looks like you’re going to finish fifth and you really want ladies to think you are eighth or ninth, you’re going to have to make sure the spoiler is smooth as a baby’s bottom. What I’m trying to say is that you should make sure their isn’t any debris on the tires before a restart to improve your standing. I can’t say it any more delicately, you need to make your grill is clear of any hot dog wrappers to prevent the engine from overheating… if you catch my drift.

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