I am on vacation this week. There’s no TV. No Internet. I will drive 30 minutes to a coffee shop with a hamster running on a wheel to drive the Internet connection. From what I heard, the Marcos Ambrose stall was brutal. But that quiet sound you hear right now is me not caring, since I picked Jimmie Johnson at 15/1 odds. Down a mere 175 fake dollars and up in spirits, both literal and figurative, I feel confident this vacation devoid of technology will give me new focus, starting Sunday in New Hampshire. Here’s why: 

 

I’ve learned to rely on the basics: When you have no TV or internet, you lean on what entertained you as a kid. Being outside all day and playing board and card games at night makes time fly, especially if Kasey Kahne or Kurt Busch’s sponsor is nearby, you’re over 21 years and not operating any machinery.

 

 

Speaking of fly, do you know how many times someone not named Johnson, Busch or Hamlin have driven into Victory Lane? That answer would be (come on you stupid hamster, break time is in 15 minutes) three. Three. Rely on the basics.

I’ve learned to rely on your team: Getting the boat out by yourself is a pain. But my father in law pushes from the boat, I push from the dock then jump in, and my pregnant wife tells both of us what we’re doing wrong. It’s simple and effective.

Drivers get credit for winning races. Teams make it happen. While I feel great for the progress of Michael Waltrip Racing, the spunk of Red Bull Racing and what Roush Fenway has done for Michigan, they don’t have what it takes to win consistently in 2010.  That’s sad for a Ford owner; so, here’s a Kid Rock video to cheer me up. Yes, this song will stick in your head all weekend.

 

 

It’s with these simple ideas that I offer my fake picks for the sake of your entertainment.
 

25 fake dollars on Denny Hamlin at 9/2: Hamlin loves the track, and is playing Victory Lane ping pong with Jimmie Johnson

 

15 fake dollars on Kyle Busch at 7/1: Just to honk off his teammate.

 

10 fake dollars on Kurt Busch at 12/1: Busch either wins at Loudon or gets creamed. I still don’t get points for second place.

 

A quick aside, Tony Stewart has led twice as many laps of any driver at Loudon over the last five years. It’s that kind of analysis I would use to bet fake money most weeks. But the hamster at the café is tired, and the sunset looks promising; so, here’s what The Spread thinks, and insert random catchphrase here.

 

Jimmie Johnson 9/2

Denny Hamlin 9/2

Kyle Busch 7/1

Jeff Gordon 7/1

Kurt Busch 12/1

Tony Stewart 15/1

Clint Bowyer 15/1

Kevin Harvick 15/1

Jeff Burton 15/1

Mark Martin 20/1

Juan Pablo Montoya 20/1

Kasey Kahne 25/1

Matt Kenseth 25/1

Martin Truex Jr 25/1

Joey Logano 25/1

Greg Biffle 25/1

Carl Edwards 25/1

Jamie McMurray 30/1

Dale Earnhardt Jr 30/1

Ryan Newman 35/1

David Reutimann 50/1

Brad Keselowski 60/1

David Ragan 100/1

Reed Sorenson 100/1

Travis Kvapil 100/1

David Gilliland 100/1

Scott Speed 100/1

Paul Menard 100/1

Regan Smith 100/1

Elliott Sadler 100/1

AJ Allmendinger 100/1

Marcos Ambrose 100/1

Sam Hornish Jr 100/1