LIFELOCK.COM 400 ODDS

It’s time to play the game. Even if I don’t want to play.

After my Four Horsemen tribute fell apart like Sam Hornish’s career, I’m now down a fake 275 dollars. And the odds for this week’s race in Chicago stink. Worst odds of the year. Uglier than HHH’s nostril. Check out this schnoz.

Now that I can continue the pro wrestling theme for another week, here’s why I have no desire to wager fake money on this race, and how I plan to probably lose another fake fifty bucks for the sake of your entertainment.

Let’s start with the king. And no, it’s not Benedict LeBron. Jimmie Johnson has never won at Chicagoland. I was gung ho to pick him. Then the odds came out at 13/4. I can’t put more than half of my fake money on a guy who has never seen the real Victory Lane in the real Windy City. No we can’t.

So  Denny Hamlin is the logical fallback. Problem is the dude has done jack and squadoosh at Chicagoland. So instead of taking a risk on a talented driver with reasonable odds, we get 11/2. That’s the second guy off the board. To “borrow” from the guy from “A Mighty Wind,” Whaaa Happened?

Even history sucks. Roush cars have owned this track. Problem is Ford hasn’t won since my I knocked up my wife. That’s 21 races and one feisty fetus who has flipped a whole lot more than Carl Edwards lately.

So now what? I will pick three random drivers. I don’t know if any of them will win. I will probably be sad.

20 fake dollars on Kyle Busch: I always ride with a Horseman.

15 fake dollars on Kevin Harvick at 11/1: Harvick has won twice here. He also hosed me with a win last week. I say he’s a contender and makes things interesting.

15 fake dollars on Tony Stewart at 12/1:
I’m still betting Stewart makes the run he always makes this time of year. Plus he’s won twice in Chicago.

This game is over. Here’s what The Spread thinks, and insert random catchphrase here.

Jimmie Johnson 13/4
Denny Hamlin 11/2
Kyle Busch 6/1
Jeff Gordon 7/1
Kurt Busch 9/1
Jeff Burton 10/1
Kevin Harvick 11/1
Tony Stewart 12/1
Kasey Kahne 12/1
Clint Bowyer 12/1
Carl Edwards 17/1
Juan Pablo Montoya 18/1
Greg Biffle 18/1
Jamie McMurray 20/1
Matt Kenseth 20/1
Joey Logano 20/1
Dale Earnhardt Jr 20/1
Mark Martin 20/1
Ryan Newman 25/1
Martin Truex Jr 25/1
David Reutimann 30/1
AJ Allmendinger 45/1
Brad Keselowski 65/1
Marcos Ambrose 75/1
Elliott Sadler 80/1
David Ragan 80/1
Bobby Labonte 80/1
Travis Kvapil 80/1
Scott Speed 80/1
Sam Hornish Jr 80/1
Regan Smith 80/1
Paul Menard 80/1
Reed Sorenson 80/1
Field (Any Other Driver) 40/1