Cancel Christmas right now.

The one thing I want more than anything else is off the digital shelves, and not even the Playstation 3 my wife tried to hide will reduce my holiday woe.

Leave it to a planet on the Yahoo blogosphere to find a link to Bass Pro Shops selling clam chowder with Martin Truex Jr. adorning the label. This effort required true journalism, as Bass Pro Shops has 17 different categories of items for sale on the main page of its site. None have anything to do with food, let alone canned goods, let alone clam chowder, let alone clam chowder with Martin Truex Jr. on the label.

Truex Jr. is a fan of seafood. He’s an avid angler, and the person who drives his trailer is named “Tuna.” Don’t believe me? Watch this digital infomercial.