Michael Waltrip has announced that he will retire if he isn't 'competitive' in 2009. 

 

I'm sorry -- say what now? Michael Waltrip will retire if he isn't competitive in 2009? Um, so why is 2009 any different from any other in Waltrip's 24-year career?? Because, really, the man has never been competitive. At least, not in the sense of the word competitive.

In 725 career starts, Darrell's little brother has won four races. Put another way, Darrell's little brother has won one race every six years. Put still another way, Darrell's little brother boasts a career winning percentage of .005517, which is marginally better than mine. I'm guessing the Aflac duck could win more often.

Take away restrictor-plate race wins and how many career victories does the 'hoping to be competitive in 2009' Waltrip have? That would be zero. Or as many as I have. Or my dog. Take away those four wins and how many top-five finishes, another barometer of competitiveness, does Waltrip have? Hold on a sec -- that would be 35. In 24 years (and one in the last three). I leave the math to you on this one ...

Somewhere, there's a rocking chair quietly awaiting Michael Waltrip's arrival.