The ESPYs air tonight at 9 ET on ESPN. Not to ruin your idea of how television works, but the show was taped on Wednesday. (I know your pain. The same thing happened to me when I took a tour of the CNN building in Atlanta and found out they tape Headline News. It was the day I lost my innocence.) Thanks to the Internet we already know, for example, that Jimmie Johnson won Best Driver for the second straight year and that – is there no justice? – Paul Menard was not even nominated.

The thing about the ESPYs is that no one remembers who won or lost. Viewers tune in to see what athletes look like out of uniform. As an added bonus we get to watch wonderfully awkward comedy bits, poorly chosen dresses and hot wives and girlfriends. Here's a sneak peak at this year's show.

Jeff Gordon and wife Ingrid Vandebosch

Gordon and actress Olivia Wilde give Michael Phelps the Best Male Athlete Award

Danica Patrick was there ... because Danica Patrick is everywhere
 

 
Yes, that's the Iron Sheik wearing an Iron Sheik T-shirt on the red carpet - this is why you watch the ESPYs