NASCAR FAN HALL OF FAME INDUCTEES

With much fanfare and buffalo wings, NASCAR announced its inaugural class for the Fan Hall of Fame today.  The ceremony took place at the Hooters just off the Huntersville exit on I-77.  This under-anticipated event, sadly, was overshadowed by Wednesday’s induction of the first NASCAR Hall of Fame class down the road in downtown Charlotte.
 
Here are the 2009 Fan Hall of Fame inductees:
 

Rich Turkman of Daytona, Fla.
Rich "Wolfman" Turkman established himself as a hairy man early in life.  He invested in copious amounts of shampoo and conditioner, but he had never been able to connect his passion for growing hair all over his body with his second love of racing.  Then one fateful day, in a drunken stupor, Rich’s best friend said, "F#ckin’, you should f#ckin’ shave Tony Stewart’s f#cking number in your f#cking back and just walk around and sh*t."  And a legend was born.  Stewart no longer drives the No. 20 Home Depot car, but Turkman still carries a torch, and a shaved back, for the team that melded his two passions.
 
Barry "Bud Man" Reynolds of Athens, Ga.
(photo at top of article)
Barry graduated in 2004 from the University of Georgia with  a degree in "Partying Like a Mother F#cker" and a minor in Communications.  He advanced through watching the Busch Series and Truck Series in an unprecedented two years.  A serious sunburn in the summer of 2008 looked like it benched him, but Barry came back strong in the Chase.  He was arrested on disorderly conduct charges at seven of the last ten races and kissed a pig dressed like Jimmie Johnson.  A true innovator and a f#cking blast to party with.
 
Little Stevey Holland of Saginaw, Mich.
It’s rare for the NASCAR Fan Hall of Fame to award a lifetime achievement award to a 4-year-old boy.  It’s even rarer to find someone so dedicated to a lost cause like Dale Jr.  Little Stevey will spend the next 20 years cheering for a driver he knows will never win again.  It’s like growing up a Pittsburgh Pirates fan or waking up every day and punching your groin as hard as you can.  We expect to see Little Stevey at the race track for years to come before softly crying himself to sleep every night.
 
Karen Linkletter of Reno, Nev.
Karen doesn’t know a lot about racing, but she likes to wear tight clothes and kiss boys.  The Nomination Committee thought the first class was a real "Sausage Fest," so it added somebody smoking hot.
 
Joe Fernwood of Murfreesboro, Tenn.
When Jeff Gordon ran away with the championship in 1995 … Joe Fernwood flew the bird. When it rained in Dover and the fans headed home … he was still out there, flying the bird. When his own brother got married on the same day as Talladega … he flew that bird proudly. Joe Fernwood has set an unofficial record for giving Jeff Gordon the middle finger for over 5,000 consecutive laps.  Joe was unable to accept the award because he’s on the road, following Gordon’s DuPont hauler back from California, giving him the one-finger salute the entire way.