anonymous

Anonymous

NASCAR NEEDS A SCANDAL TO GET BACK IN THE HEADLINES

Posted 07/05/11 at 1:43 PM PDT by Chris M. | Email This |

NASCAR provides fantastic racing every weekend with the world's best drivers trading paint at 200 mph, but that's no longer enough to draw the attention of the general public. To launch NASCAR back into the public discourse, officials will have to think unconventionally. NASCAR needs a good old fashioned scandal. Not the 'Kyle Busch and Joey Logano Get RAW' variety, but the NASCAR Party Baby kind of scandal.

Don't take the high road, NASCAR. The Allisons and Cale Yarborough went toe-to-toe at Daytona, others have been caught with fuel additives and even steroids. People didn't care about golf until Tiger's "lady scorecard" was revealed, and like golf, a NASCAR scandal will propel fans back into the sport.

Here are a few scandal ideas to put NASCAR back in the headlines:

1. Reveal Secret of Joe Gibbs Fight Club

It's NASCAR's best kept secret, Joe Gibbs runs a fight club out of Gibbs Motorsports in Concord, NC. He doesn't just organize it, Gibbs takes on all challengers 'Kickboxer-style' (fists dipped in resin and coated in broken glass). That's why his rule is absolute, no one has ever defeated him in a glass-knuckled fight. Kyle Busch will mix it up with Childress, but would never challenge the lethal, athletic prowess Joe Gibbs.

2. Who will be NASCAR's Gilbert Arenas?
NASCAR needs someone to work as hard as the NBA's Gilbert Arenas to create scandal after scandal for the good of the sport. Arenas is a one-man NBA PR machine: when he's not instigating gun play in the locker room (as a goof), he's cornering the market on "endangering neighborhood children" by refusing to fence in his backyard shark grotto. Who in NASCAR will answer the challenge? Will Ryan Newman build a man-size catapult (Newman's Own “man-a-pult”) in his backyard to launch unsuspecting children into neighboring subdivisions? Randy Moss, NFL star, scandal machine and a current Camping World Truck Series owner, can't get to the Sprint Cup soon enough.

3. Mark Martin Old School Rap Feud
The most complex scandal for NASCAR to pull off. First, Mark Martin, known for his love of hard-core rap as he prepares pre-race, would retire from racing to become a rap star. With his rise to fame, he grows an entourage. Eventually, Martin's prowess at the mic will spawn haters (We're thinking Lil Wayne). Rival songs will be traded, one of Martin's entourage will be wounded in a knife fight and racing will be back in the papers.

4. Jimmie Johnson and Madonna?
No one wants to sleep with Madonna, but a NASCAR star will need to have an extra-marital affair with the creepily sexy Material Girl to put racing back into newspapers. It worked for baseball (A-Rod, Jose Canseco), basketball (Dennis Rodman) and the Olympics (entire 2002 German ladies handball team).

Denny Hamlin did his best by supposedly hooking up with Paris Hilton, but that move doesn't get Denny press, it only creates a shame that you can't scrub off no matter how long you shower.

5. Reveal Bayne's Daytona 500 win was staged on sound studio like Moon Landing

NASCAR needs to come clean and reveal that Trevor Bayne's Daytona 500 win was an elaborate hoax created on a sound stage in Burbank, CA. In addition to the faked Daytona 500 win, NASCAR has been digitally fabricating Mike Joy's interest in Darrell Waltrip's stories for years, but everyone already knew that.

More articles by this author:
NASCAR Turns To Speed Dating for Daytona Drafting Partners
How to Tailgate For A Race, Sonoma Style
Unconventional Changes TNT Should Consider For its Race Day Coverage

1 Comments

Anonymous11 months ago

T

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.
  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Allowed HTML tags: <em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd><blockquote></blockquote>
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
  • Pairs of<blockquote> tags will be styled as a block that indicates a quotation.

More information about formatting options

Featured Stories
 
WALLACE MAKES BIG FIRST STEP WITHOUT STUMBLINGWALLACE MAKES BIG FIRST STEP WITHOUT STUMBLING
//MORE


161 views

 
NASCAR's Car Challenge Runs Deeper Than COTNASCAR's Car Challenge Runs Deeper Than COT
//MORE


899 views

 
WHY JEFF GORDON WILL MAKE THE CHASEWHY JEFF GORDON WILL MAKE THE CHASE
//MORE


1,320 views

 
EDWARDS & STEWART NOT BLAMELESSEDWARDS & STEWART NOT BLAMELESS
//MORE


1,628 views

 
LUCK IS WHERE PREPARATION MEETS OPPORTUNITYLUCK IS WHERE PREPARATION MEETS OPPORTUNITY
//MORE


1,546 views

 

Hot Links 

Patrick may jump to NASCAR full-time (LA Times)  

Hot Links 

SI.com
LOL race pics
The NASCAR Insiders
MoonDog Sports
Just a Guy Thing
Men's Guide
Funny Stuff
Funny Videos
MMA News
Shocking Videos
Movie Reviews
Modern Man
Money Tips
MANVITE 
Time Wasters
Dave and Thomas
Check out our NASCAR crashes
Technorati Profile
Add to Technorati Favorites

Top Forum Topics
This Weeks Winners

468 views | 0 replies in the last hour

reply
viagra

3590 views | 0 replies in the last hour

replies
DEnny?

3054 views | 0 replies in the last hour

replies
paul wolfe

2556 views | 0 replies in the last hour

replies