I need a break.

After the dumpster fire that was Chicagoland, I’m down a fake $325 heading into an off week. I’ve learned when you have a bad run at a table, it’s important to leave the table and get your thoughts together. I’ve also learned how fun it is to visit another table to partake in a different form of entertainment.

And since I would rather bet on a WNBA game than a Nationwide race, I offer you the prop bets I would love to bet on if they actually existed.  And if they did exist, I would only make these wagers for entertainment purposes.

Odds Dale Earnhardt Jr. ends up with Richard Childress Racing: 5/1

I would bet my editor’s condo on this happening. Lost in the hoopla of Captain Amp’s win at Daytona was the long embrace he had with Childress. Earnhardt Jr. has southern charm. Childress is the last real southern team. This needs to happen. And with the NASCAR Mafia stressing about sponsorships, Dale Jr. to RCR would add one secured sponsorship to the sport, since Hendrick Motorsports would find a young gun and the sponsorship that kid needs. I feel so good about this fake bet I’m eating real lobster with the fake money I just won. You don’t have to pay back credit card companies, do you?

Odds we see blood on a driver’s face in 2010: 13/1

From a safety standpoint, the new car has done wonders; so, I can’t see an accident causing the Crimson Mask.

But what happened to the WWE vibe the NASCAR Mafia dapped during Media Week? The LeBron special will show you ESPN will do anything for ratings. Will a fight and the residual afterglow help justify the coin our Worldwide Leader is throwing at racing? I like the chances, especially with Juan Montoya so far out of the Chase.

Odds Roush Fenway Racing wins a race in 2010: 2/1

The Four Horsemen have won fourteen races in 2010. Everyone else has won five.  But we’re reaching the part of the season where 1.5 mile tracks rule the roost, and those are the track where Hatman and the boys run their best. Plus, as dreadful as 2010 as been for RFR, three of their drivers would be chasing if the Chase started today. And yes, NASCAR’s point system is more annoying than Vienna from “The Bachelor.”

Odds Kasey Kahne’s head explodes in 2010: 1/245,876,904,371

You know Kahne is wearing a Hendrick Motorsports T-shirt under his racing suit. You also know he’s dreaming of Mark Martin becoming a driver owner, Jeff Gordon leaving racing to replace Regis or Jimmie Johnson being devoured by ravenous wolverines.

Odds Paul Menard wins the 2010 FLOPPER award: 55/1

In news, there is a phrase called “Burying the lead.” The phrase refers to missing the key component of a story. Good gracious this column has buried the lead.

Menard showed historical dominance in winning the 2009 award.  A repeat though seems unlikely. Sure, Menard is more than 700 points behind Kevin Harvick. But Captain Sideburns is nearly 500 points clear of Bobby Labonte, who would win the award if the season ended today.

Labonte has 1467 points. Captain I Don’t Know His Sponsor Either needs to pick up 132 points to catch Regan Smith and 228 points to catch Sam Hornish Jr. And yes, Sam’s free fall floors me too.

Odds this column is over: 1,000/1

I’m betting the column is over, because I need to break even for the year. Have a good weekend everyone.