My Aunt Holly really got me this for Christmas. 'Tis the season to take your crappy gifts and return them for something you might use. We won't be the only ones hauling a$$ to the mall. Here's what some of your favorite drivers will be looking for with socks, pajamas and gift receipts in hand.
Dale Earnhardt Jr.: A clue
Here’s a quick reminder of how 2009 went. What floors me is the inability to find a reason why a talented driver with a talented team and ample resources gets clobbered. Maybe those talented folks aren’t as talented as we first thought.
Tony Stewart: A lie detector test kit
Who wouldn’t want to interrogate every driver out there and get their real thoughts instead of the contrived PR junk to which we’ve grown accustomed?
Plus think of all you could ask regarding just this picture?
Denny Hamlin and Brad Keselowski: Boxing gloves
These two just need to punch it out for charity.
Carl Edwards: Consistency
It’s clear he doesn’t need a gym membership, how about we help him put together two good seasons in a row?
Juan Pablo Montoya: Teammates who do something on the track. Montoya finished eighth in the standings (would have been better had he not wiped out at Homestead) without having any semblance of running buddies. Now Chowder Man is off with Michael Waltrip and JPM only has the boyish good looks of Jamie McMurray to help watch his back. I don’t care how talented you are; a one man wolf pack won’t cut it.
Michael Waltrip: A gift card to the salon. Wow, that’s some hair.
Kyle Busch: The ability to clone himself. Busch may run 3,240,925 races next season with all his responsibilities. Let’s hope hosting another wrestling show isn’t also on his “To Do” list.
Paul Menard: A reason to be on our Web site that has nothing to do with the word “FLOPPER”
Travis Kvapil and few hundred others: Sponsors
A Nationwide team went under this week, just another example of how the economic recovery hasn’t trickled down to racing. There are too many good drivers who can’t find a place to do what we all love. Brian France has his head in the sand if he thinks the sport won’t suffer from the financial realities many teams face. Ask baseball how attendance is when you have so many “Haves” and “Have Nots."
Every other driver I didn’t mention: The autobiography of Tonya Harding
The only way Jimmie Johnson isn’t winning a fifth straight title is if something clubs him in the knee. Even then, he still might win the thing.
I wish you all many happy returns!