STOCK CAR TIME MACHINE

Possible sequel to Hot Tub Time Machine

While working late one night in the garage, Tony Stewart accidentally discovered time travel, changing the face of history forever. Tony Stewart used to be known as a former champion and Billy Bad Butt, now he is a time-traveling hero rewriting history as he travels through time in his stock car.

Here are the six most important events from history that have been forever changed by Stewart’s Stock Car Time Machine.

1. The Gettysburg Address No One Remembers

Contrary to what history teaches, the Gettysburg Address is not remembered as the most famous speech in history. The audience was so enamored with his motorized horse-drawn carriage they cheered as he raced around the grandstand. Smoke did burn-outs in the parking lot that were so loud, no one heard Lincoln speak. The President’s words fell on deaf ears, thus extending the Civil War another forty years.

2. Paul Revere’s Kick-Ass Midnight Ride

By horse it would have taken hours, but with the assistance of the No. 14 Office Depot Chevy, Paul Revere was able to race from Lexington to Concord in ten minutes flat. With all the time saved, Stewart and Revere spent the night partying with Sam Adams. Revere passed out early in the evening, thus enabling Stewart to perform a prank that goes down in the history books as the "Boston Tea Party."

3. Everyone Knows That Famous Painting of Tony Stewart Kissing Mona Lisa


When Tony Stewart’s time-traveling stock car ended up in 16th century Italy he became a drinking buddy of Leonardo da Vinci. One night Stewart and da Vinci were out partying and da Vinci said, "Dude, check out that hot chick dancing to the Gregorian chants. You should totally hit that." Stewart did.  Francesco del Giocondo commissioned a portrait to be made that now hangs in the Louvre.

4. Tony Stewart Killed All The Dinosaurs
Comets, global warming and old age didn’t kill the dinosaurs, time-traveling Tony Stewart did. After one of the dinosaurs refused to get out of his way going into Turn 4 on Pangaea, Stewart hit his boiling point. In a fit of rage, Stewart ran over all of the dinosaurs with a verve that he normally reserves for hitting David Reuitimann’s crew.

5. Tony Stewart Present For His Own Conception


The most puzzling time-travel that Stewart performed was to travel to an Indianapolis motel nine months before his own birth to watch his own conception. The less said, the better… it was pretty creepy.

6. Stewart Creates an Infinite Loop of Tony Stewarts
In Tony’s final stop, he traveled back in time to the moment when he discovered time travel. This opened a rift in the space-time continuum, causing multiple Tony Stewarts to enter our time. This phenomenon has been documented as: Tony Stewart has a lot of clones.