WHY YOUR DRIVER WILL LOSE THE CHASE: RYAN NEWMAN

The first race of the 2009 Chase is hours away. Viva excitement. While 11 drivers ponder the potential of being called champion, Ryan Newman should  think about his next fishing trip. Nobody is going to win the 2009 Sprint Cup. Certainly not Ryan Newman. Here’s why: Dude’s boss is Tony StewartNot only does Tony Stewart get to hang out with Erik Estrada and Carrot Top, he also hangs atop the point standings. A first year driver/owner taking home the title would be one of racin ...

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HAMLIN WINS AND VICKERS MAKES THE CHASE

Denny Hamlin won the Chevy Rock 'N Roll 400, but really, who cares? Brian Vickers squeaked by Kyle Busch and Matt Kenseth for the 12th and final spot in the Chase. Vickers said he plans to celebrate his first Cup berth "Red Bull style," which means that will be Brian Vickers you see hang gliding naked over Richmond tonight with a 12 of High Life under his arm.  Hamlin wins at hometown track (ESPN) ...

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HAMLIN’S STOLEN CAR RECOVERED

Denny Hamlin's Lexus, which was stolen a few weeks ago in a diabolical heist that involved two criminals and an open gate, has been recovered by police in Charlotte. Cops have arrested a future "Maury" guest woman named Tomaceeta Hampton. More arrests are expected. Because if we learned one thing from "NYPD Blue," it's that anyone named Tomaceeta will turn on their own mothers to avoid hard jail time. NASCAR driver's stolen car recovered; 1 arrested (WSOCTV)Related link:D ...

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KAHNE WINS PEP BOYS AUTO 500

Maybe they should run two races in Atlanta every year. In a season full of disappointments - rainouts, low ratings and attendance, drug scandal - the first Labor Day weekend night race at Atlanta Motor Speedway proved to be a pleasant success. It looked like it would actually be fun to go to. When's the last time anyone said that about a race in Atlanta? (Or, for that matter, an anything in Atlanta?)Kasey Kahne won the Pep Boys Auto 500, moving from 11th to 6th in the Chase standings with one ra ...

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DANICA PATRICK NATIONWIDE RUMOR

A source "very close to the situation" told ESPN's Ed Hinton that, in addition to racing Indy cars, Danica Patrick will run a limited schedule in the Nationwide, ARCA and Trucks series next year. I think I speak for all men everywhere when I say, I hope running such a packed schedule still leaves her time to appear pants-less on talk shows.  Source: Danica Patrick to try NASCAR in '10 (ESPN) Related links:Danica Patrick is not wearing pantsDanica Patrick nude?Danica Patric ...

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DENNY HAMLIN’S CAR STOLEN

Good thing Denny Hamlin had those security cameras installed in front of his home in Cornelius, N.C. Otherwise, how would we know that two pretty much impossible-to-identify men in shorts recently walked right onto Hamlin's property through the front gate and stole his 2008 Lexus LS 460 L? Without surveillance video, which police just released, the cops might be looking for men in dress slacks, bathing suits or capri pants.  Calling all cars. The suspects are wearing shorts. Repeat, the ...

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WHO IS ERIK DARNELL?

Wrestling and NASCAR have a lot in common. Made-up drama for the sake of ratings. Questionable finishes. Random people coming out of nowhere to the surprise of fans. So in honor of The Rock, I must ask the following question: Who in the blue hell is Erik Darnell? As you read earlier this week, Darnell will take over Bobby Labonte’s ride for seven races this season. Labonte owns a Sprint Cup title, so the person who replaces him must be chopped liver, right? Consider this:NASCAR.com does ...

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JEFF GORDON’S BIRTHDAY

Jeff Gordon celebrated his 38th birthday on Saturday night at Lily Pond in East Hampton, N.Y. The Hamptons are where New York City's elite go to play during the summer. It's the type of place where, if you're lucky, you could spy David Lee Roth and Paul McCartney trading cucumber sandwich recipes in the produce aisle of the local organic market. According to the New York Daily News, Gordon celebrated with red velvet cake. (Probably not the same cake pictured above, which appears to be on fire fo ...

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JEFF BURTON LANDS NEW RIDE

 The 2009 season has been a challenge for Jeff Burton. Zero wins. Zero chance of making the Chase. Still, isn't it a little early to look for a new line of work? Burton recently improved his skill set by hopping on a digger and tearing down part of the Michigan International Speedway suite. (This is something Jimmie Johnson, with all of his hard luck at Michigan, must fantasize about doing.) MIS is gutting structures around the track, with new suites and a new media center on tap for 201 ...

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BRIAN VICKERS’ RED BULL LIFESTYLE

Most athletes have clauses in their contracts that forbid dangerous behavior like skiing, skydiving or riding a motorcycle. The fear of injury, getting too Ben Roethlisberger with your ride or out and out death gets most teams a little antsy. When you roll with Red Bull racing, those clauses seem to be either really small, or are totally nonexistent.Nascar.com profiled the wild and crazy ride that prompted Brian Vickers to re-sign with Red Bull Racing. When Vickers is not enjoying awkward silenc ...

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