FORD 400 ODDS

I have no clue who’s going to win the Sprint Cup either. So when in doubt, take logic out of the equation and do some math. In this case, math will bludgeon two birds with one stone. After all, I’m up 230 fake dollars after Carl Edwards won last week. And who doesn’t want to end the season with a win? In this quite compelling race preview, one learned Homestead-Miami resembles Kansas and Michigan. Looking back at the history books (or websites since books are for old people) ...

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KOBALT TOOLS 500 ODDS

Now I know how it feels like to be Brad Keselowski.No, I didn’t get wrecked by Carl Edwards. But I did pick Denny Hamlin last week. That means I’m up 130 fake dollars for the year. That means there’s no way I can be down for the year. Take that, Vegas.Like Keselowski, the final two weeks of my year will be leisurely. I can try to make more money or do something stupid for the sake of my own entertainment.  And since this is fake money, cue the Benny Hill music and cute kit ...

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AMP ENERGY JUICE 500 ODDS

Oh, Talladega. What are we going to do with you?Now that I’m up a fake 90 dollars for the year after Denny Hamlin’s win at Martinsville, I can devote my energy to racing’s biggest problem child. And if you think Talladega isn’t a problem, here’s one of many crash montages with crappy musical accompaniment to boot. Talladega has no business hosting a Chase race. It’s not a matter of if a huge wreck will happen, just a matter of how soon. Even last year, af ...

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BANK OF AMERICA 500 ODDS

Dear Tony Stewart,I want you to know this will be harder on me than it is for you.First of all, I want to congratulate you on your big win last week in California. Yes, it cost me 50 fake dollars. But I’m OK, still up 20 fake bucks for the year.I’ll use that money to buy some Mobil 1. What a great job getting those guys into NASCAR as a sponsor, especially in this economy. Wait, Mobil 1 is already in NASCAR? Sam Hornish Jr.? He’s still racing?Anyway, I hope your newfound succes ...

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PEPSI MAX 400 ODDS

It’s about time.Greg Biffle wins at Kansas. I win my second race in a row. And for the first time in the history of ever, I’m up fake money picking every race this year. Seventy dollars may not mean much to you. Especially when it’s not real. But wow does it feel great to be ahead, even if it’s in my own mind. The logical person would quit writing this column to avoid potential humiliation or sing songs of self-praise as to how they climbed from the abyss. But as it turns ...

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IRWIN TOOLS NIGHT RACE ODDS

Dear Kevin Harvick,We’ve never met. I’m sure you’re a great guy. But I would like to use this forum to ask what I did to make you ruin my week. I spent the first third of the season touting your comeback from a dreadful 2009 season. Every time I picked you, you never won. At Talladega, I went in a different direction. So did you. To Victory Lane. I’ve kept my distance as you’ve maintained the top spot in the standings. Things were cool. Then last week, you crossed t ...

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CARFAX 400 ODDS

Jack Roush lives in Michigan. Jack Roush loves Michigan. Jack Roush needs the Carfax 400 Sunday. Dude survived a plane crash. He also saw a Toyota win at MIS in June, which stunk for me having written a patriotic column that week.  Down a fake $175 after my Watkins Glen plan went astray, I need the Carfax 400 as well.  And since I believe in karma, I believe good things will happen for a Michigan man at Michigan International Speedway. Here’s where my fake American paper notes ar ...

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PENNSYLVANIA 500 ODDS

Where is Jim Grey and the Boys and Girls Club when I need them?After picking up a 30/1 winner in the form of Jamie McMurray at Indianapolis last week, I’m down a mere 75 fake dollars in my quest to pick race winners every week. So I’ve decided to use the most clichéd sports parody of the last month and take my talents to Pocono, where I correctly picked Denny Hamlin to win earlier this year.Unlike that former Cavalier who won’t get mentioned in this column, I don’t ...

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COKE ZERO 400 ODDS

The Four Horsemen.No. I’m not talking about some group from that Catholic school that will never join a conference. I am talking about the best wrestling faction in the history of ever.Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, Ole Anderson and Tully Blanchard ruled the wrestling world in the 1980’s. Flair was the franchise. Ole and Arn worked together better than anyone. Blanchard was a better Number Two than Number Two from Austin Powers.  NASCAR now has this faction, even though the four do ...

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HELUVA GOOD! SOUR CREAM DIPS 400 ODDS

For a sport struggling to find its identity, Sunday’s race is like a trip home for a college student.Michigan’s automakers are like the grandparents of NASCAR. Every driver on tour used their technology, power and support to get to Sunday’s Helluva Good 400! Sour Cream Dips 400.  But the health of those proud giants has turned for the worse, and many hope to see these larger than life figures return to their prior glory, or at least keep on keeping on. Listen to drivers ta ...

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