UPDATED FEDEX 400 ODDS

Dear Soapbox, I hope you’re reinforced.

The 2011 Sprint Cup Season has been tremendous on the track. But like any live event, there are things that can happen off the track to make it even more eventful.

With this week’s Dover picks awfully simple based on previous track records and me needing a win (nice job Regan Smith), here are some things that have to happen.

MMA Bout Between Juan Montoya and Ryan Newman

Three rounds. Three minutes. A fat $100,000 check to each person’s foundation. You’re telling me Speed wouldn’t get some of its biggest ratings ever for this?

Open Hand Slap Contest Between Kevin Harvick and Kyle Busch
Maybe Playtex can sponsor.

Martin Truex Jr. vs. Kurt Busch is “Pity Off 2011”
Both drivers went off on their teams at Richmond, resulting in different kind of changes. Stil, if either can tell me they played no role in their team’s troubles, I would call each a bold face liar. I would then challenge them to a cage match on the Montoya/Newman undercard. Brian Vickers made the Chase with Red Bull Racing. Truex and Busch need to look in the mirror, then call their agents to see if Joe Gibbs is really adding a fourth car next year.

We need a Sprint Cup driver on The Bachelor

A former contestant is already a Miss Sprint Cup girl. Last year’s winner may have already broken up with the man of her dreams (if dreams last 23 minutes.) How awesome would a rose ceremony be at the track. You get dumped, have an awkward conversation during the flyover and have to spend four hours in the limo because of  traffic.  ABC and ESPN. This has to happen.

None of this has anything to do with my picks. But here they are for the sake of entertainment only.

30 fake dollars on Jimmie Johnson at 5/1
You can’t name another person who has won here six times, including three of the last four races at Dover. This goes against my theory from last week, but numbers don’t lie. Actually, numbers can lie and probably will Sunday.

15 fake dollars on Carl Edwards at 8/1

Johnson owns the track. Edwards clearly has some sort of rental agreement. Edwards has the best average finish of any active driver over the last five years. His average finish is 5.7.  Yet, Edwards has one win to show for all that success. This seems almost too easy.

5 fake dollars on Greg Biffle at 20/1
Only Edwards has a better average finishing position among active drivers. Biffle has to find his spot at some point?? Maybe??? Oh boy.

Here’s what The Spread thinks. Enjoy the race. Promote responsible autism awareness, and insert random catchphrase here.

Jimmie Johnson 5/1
Kyle Busch 5/1
Carl Edwards 8/1
Denny Hamlin 8/1
Tony Stewart 12/1
Kevin Harvick 12/1
Jeff Gordon 12/1
Kurt Busch 15/1
Clint Bowyer 20/1
Dale Earnhardt Jr 20/1
Matt Kenseth 20/1
Greg Biffle 20/1
Kasey Kahne 25/1
Jeff Burton 25/1
Mark Martin 25/1
Joey Logano 25/1
Juan Pablo Montoya 30/1
Ryan Newman 30/1
Brian Vickers 30/1
Jamie McMurray 30/1
Martin Truex Jr 50/1
David Reutimann 50/1
Paul Menard 75/1
AJ Allmendinger 75/1
David Ragan 75/1
Bobby Labonte 100/1
Brad Keselowski 100/1
Regan Smith 100/1
Marcos Ambrose 100/1
Field (Any Other Driver) 100/1