WHAT REALLY HAPPENED BETWEEN MAD MAX & SLAP HAPPY NASCAR WAG

What? Mike Skeen’s girlfriend got suspended for slapping Max Papis after the NASCAR truck race in Canada? Whoa, hold on here, back up the truck!

Ladies and gentlemen, all we had was a misunderstanding. Kelly Heaphy was only trying to help her boyfriend’s rival. Since we don’t have audio, we’re left to speculate.

Here’s what we believe the spunky blonde was really trying to do. It was something more like…

“Mr. Papis, nice to meet you. Hey! There’s a mosquito on your nose. Let me help you with that!”

Or maybe it was more like….”Hey Max, I was thinking about a boxing career. That’s a wicked right hook, don’t you think?”

It could have been,” Hey Mr. Papis, I was just telling my friend about that sweet slap down you put on Billy Johnson at Road America. It was like this, wasn’t it? Oh, his helmet was on? My bad.”

Or you know, she could have said: “Hey Max! I’m Mike’s girlfriend Kelly. You’re a good looking guy. I think we would look really cool in that KFC commercial where the girl slaps the guy. Let’s practice right now.”

I know. She said, “Mr. Papis, I love your hair. Can a run my fingers through it once. Oops!”

No, that’s not right, I think it was,“Hi, my name is Kelly Heaphy. I’m taking up reconstructive surgery with a specialty in jaw work. You can be my first patient, free of charge.”

Ah, we’ll probably never know for sure. Whatever it was, we’re quite certain Kelly Heaphy is, shall we say, misunderstood? We hope someday soon, someone will step forward to clear up this kerfuffle once and for all. Oh, the injustice of it all! You just try to be friendly, and look where it gets you.

By day, Jim McCoy is an award-winning TV and radio sports reporter, living and residing with his wife and kids in scenic southern Oregon. By night, McCoy is a NASCAR, who never gets enough bench racing with fellow race fans.