The season is almost over, last weekend was a snoozer (video is from Talladega on Sunday), Jimmie Johnson probably will lock up the championship this weekend and your driver was mathematically eliminated weeks ago. What reason does anyone have to keep watching NASCAR?
Here are five reasons to keep your eyes glued to the tube for the last three races of the season.
1. Race for the Buffet
The Race for the Chase has been replaced by the Race for the Buffet. The top 10 drivers are invited to Las Vegas for the annual NASCAR awards banquet. Edwards has a slim 11-point lead for 10th place. The tension is palpable between Vickers, Edwards and Hamlin, if your definition of tension is watching three guys race for last place. It should be noted that NASCAR does have a caveat to its "Top Ten" policy. If Junior finishes in 23rd then the top 23 drivers will be invited to Vegas.
2. Breaking News: Highway High-Speed Chases
When the race gets boring there is always a chance the network will cut away to a live, high-speed chase somewhere. When the single-file racing of Phoenix puts you to sleep, cross your fingers that someone near you will have just robbed a community bank and a traffic chopper has the "eye in the sky" to capture the excitement of a real chase.
3. Will Denny Hamlin Finish First or Last?
His car might have five gears, but Denny Hamlin only has two finishing moves: first and last. After finishing 42nd at Charlotte, he followed up with a Martinsville win and a 38th at Talladega. Hamlin must figure, where’s the challenge in finishing 14th? The real skill is in winning the race or finding a way to let Erik Darnell (five Sprint Cup starts lifetime) finish in front of you. Fans across the nation wait with bated breath to see if Hamlin will be pulling into victory lane or racking up another DNF.
4. New Pit Road Reporter: Suzie McMegaBoobs
She was just an ordinary pit road reporter until the fateful afternoon Suzie Macintosh stepped onto the track during a test run of the new Gamma-Ray-Powered NASCAR Car of Tomorrow. Exposed to high levels of gamma radiation, she became "Pit Road Reporter Suzie McMegaBoobs"! (Please, please, please let this actually happen.)
5. Four Words… Florida Panthers Ice Dancers
The final race of the season at Homestead, Fla., will feature some very special guests. Who needs to watch the action on the track when the Florida Panther Ice Dancers are on the scene? These ladies are so hot they melt the ice… and have consequently been banned from attending hockey games. The trackside temperature will be several degrees higher with these minx of the rink on hand. If only NASCAR could find a way to make the races as exciting as ice dancing.
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