The first race of the 2009 Chase is hours away. Viva excitement. While 11 drivers ponder the potential of being called champion, Ryan Newman should  think about his next fishing trip. Nobody is going to win the 2009 Sprint Cup. Certainly not Ryan Newman. Here’s why:

Dude’s boss is Tony Stewart
Not only does Tony Stewart get to hang out with Erik Estrada and Carrot Top, he also hangs atop the point standings. A first year driver/owner taking home the title would be one of racing’s biggest accomplishments. If there’s a choice between Newman or Stewart getting any semblance of advantage, I think we all know who’s getting the Whopper.

Dude hasn’t won a race in forever
I have met Ryan Newman and found him to be refreshingly honest and welcoming. I make that subtle plug to feel better about mentioning his lack of success winning races. Other than the Daytona 500 in 2008, Newman hasn’t seen Victory Lane since 2005. In order to win the Chase, you have to win at least one race. Plus, it’s un-American to win a title without winning a race, especially when the U.S. Army sponsors your car.

Ask people in Columbus, Ohio how the Big Ten does winning titles. Ask Indiana how its basketball teams are doing. Ask my brother, Michigan alum, how the Rich-Rod experiment was going before Charlie Weis barfed up the game. Ryan Newman went to Purdue. Good luck finding a smarter driver. Good luck doing better with a new team and rookie owner. But Gene Keady’s comb-over isn’t walking through that door. And there’s no way a Big Ten anything is winning squadoosh this year, other than the “Captain of the Agonizing Loss” award.

Four down. Eight to go. Nobody is winning the 2009 Chase. Especially not Ryan Newman.

Related Links:
Why your driver will lose the Chase: Juan Pablo Montoya
Why your driver will lose the Chase: Carl Edwards
Why your driver will lose the Chase: Kasey Kahne